When Children Raise Jewish Parents

By Christina Pertus Hendelman

Originally published June 2004. Republished May 11, 2012.

Three years ago, while pregnant with my first child, I wrote an essay for InterfaithFamily.com describing my feelings concerning this child's religious prospects (Intermarried and Pregnant: Thoughts about Our Child's Religious Future). The future seemed gloomy. If we had managed to skillfully maneuver around any potential religious conflict through our childless, French-Catholic-Texan-Jewish marriage, the arrival of this baby was about to expose several issues. For Aaron it was my broken promise to convert prior to our marriage. It was also my now-suspicious pledge to raise our children as Jews. What if I broke this promise, too? For me, the thought of doing just that became dominant when I convinced myself that I was allowed to change my mind. How on earth could I deprive my child of Christmas, my beloved childhood celebration? Why should I be denied the right to expose my child to my faith, my roots? The truth was Aaron had no idea how to start paving the way for a Jewish household and I, in turn, didn't want to help him, feeling that, despite classes and many holidays spent with his family at his Conservative synagogue, Judaism was still foreign and, let's be honest, unappealing to me. This is what happened next:

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